I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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