My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
