someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
