i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
