matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
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my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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