You're my little dorito
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
