Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
