Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
