If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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