I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
