so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
