woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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