I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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