I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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