sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
