Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
