My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
