Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
