I faked an abortion last night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize