plz talk dirty to me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
