So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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