I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
