Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dick very happy bro
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