I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
