He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
