hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
