a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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