i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
send nudes
from the living room?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
