Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
