where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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