you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
