2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
