She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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