i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
