I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
