my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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