If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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