Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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