i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
