I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
