You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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