Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
