you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
