Rock
Scissors
Fuck
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
