the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
