The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
