this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
