i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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