it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
