she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
