dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
