So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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