Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
