I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
