Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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