you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
