woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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