He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
