I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
