My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
