So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
