Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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