beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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