Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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