omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
