After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize