You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
