he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
