I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
