Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize