I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
