nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
