3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Come on in and take your pants off
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