Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
