I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
