NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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