she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
