You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
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Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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