I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
