Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
