i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
