i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
