i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
