Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
