the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
