I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Randomize
