which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
