Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
