the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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