she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
